K C Bhanumathy

Bhanumathy Vasudevan

Sacred Cave for Women

Speaking the Unspeakable
Introducing the sacred practice of inner dialogue

Speaking the unspeakable’ – the word unspeakable itself speaks volumes about the meaning associated with it. The term ‘unspeakable’ determined by logical and rational mind has a purpose – to survive in the best and worst circumstances. Unspeakable also means untouchable- something that ‘pollutes’ the inside and outside. What is first needed is the courage to speak the unspeakable to your heart within you. A practice of dialogue within – that speaks your true fears and thoughts, true needs and emotions and true stories. There will be hundred voices inside you shutting you up, distracting you and stopping you to not speak the truth of the moment to yourself. Generally, there is an implied acknowledgement in us that unspeakable parts do exist in all of us. Terror is associated with ‘unspeakable’ because over centuries women have been termed mad or crazy and have been burnt, staked and tortured for speaking out.

The most terrifying part is to open the door to oneself by acknowledging it. At least one gets an understanding of how much there is to be cleared.  The first step is to deal with the habituated terror of speaking the unspeakable (truth) to oneself. The doors are kept tight to oneself with double and triple locks though there is awareness that there is much filth, which is stinking inside. The internalised deep misogyny over centuries feeds this to keep finding new forms of locks and put them on until there is no more place for any locks. Too embarrassing, too shameful, too this and too that- is how the mind keeps the locks in place and finds new locks. The pressure of filth and poisonous gases is so much, that one-day it breaks open, much to the discomfort of all around, sometime even resulting in the death of the human organism – body, sacrificed at the altar of misogyny. Many of us experience this in parts through our lives and also know of millions of women who go through it.

The careful step here is to open one lock at a time, knowing fully well there are many more locks to open and speaking the unspeakable to oneself first, not to the outside yet. Courage gets fed slowly when each lock is opened and nothing dramatic happens. You can use journals to write, draw or just speak it to yourself, choosing a place and time that is convenient to you. It needs to become a rhythm and slowly a cellular programming is in place to unlock each lock and speak the truth to oneself. The most terrifying time comes when you think you are on course in speaking the unspeakable. All locks are now open and there is a tiny opening, a creak of the door and the stored stink terrorises you so much that you want to shut the door instantaneously. Yes, you may do it. But the courage developed through practice with love and benevolence will tell you “Do not lock it, wait, you need to do surgery, you need a massive cleaning operation, you need lifters, crane and all that to remove the filth’.

This practice of speaking the unspeakable to your heart wakes up the primordial courage and light power in you, slowly. The courage goes along with compassion for you. Guilt, shame and denigration are easy deviations to this process and will take you back to where you were. Observe them coming up in your dialogue within and just let them be. They are ever ready to pull you back and control you in their grip. This has been going on through the present cellular structure, all through the ages. They cannot be stopped instantaneously unless the mind of the cells in your body changes their structure. You are doing this through your stillness and keeping the internal dialogue of the unspeakable going. It is a hard task, but achievable with simplicity and passion of your heart.

‘Unspeakable’ is the filth, poison, dangerous toxin to human organism- the body. What happens when they exist and we don’t do anything about them? It is the fuel to the comatose body and mind that does not want to be conscious and alert. What happens when you keep filth tightly closed for a long time? It stinks. The door being tightly locked does not mean poison and filth are out. Everyone outside get the stink one way or the other and they also pretend that their noses are out of function. When you tightly close the place – what happens to the cells that hold the poison? It is slow or fast death of cells in that area which further feeds the comatose body and mind. Imagine a scenario when it increases in volume each day by the politics of shutting the door tightly as more and more filth and poison is being generated. The consequences are evident and do not need any more discussion.

Here is when synchronicity brings you to female circles. In a female collective it becomes easier to recognise the two or more women working collaboratively to gain consciousness and work on their developmental needs arising of guilt, shame and other ‘filth’. When speaking the unspeakable in a female circle/collective, the yearning and the call gets stronger, the dialogue gets strengthened and courage gets deeper. In this work you need the support of one or two, or many women together doing the practice and gaining the courage to dialogue. These two are the foundations- stillness and dialogue practice of the unspeakable.

Millions of enabling spirits stay ready to lift the filth off in female circles When women speak the unspeakable in the female circle with leaders who are grounded in triangular practices being there, millions of spirits stay ready with cranes and all that apparatus to lift the filth off. The centre of female circles led by grounded leaders in practice always has a fire in the centre of the circle that can consume any amount of poison and filth without leaving any one with noxious gases. It can burn any amount of filth. The terror becomes less and less because you see the universality of it in the circle of women. Shame and guilt are lifted off, so that doors can be opened gently, with a tiny squeak of the hinges. Slowly over time enabled by the female circle, little fire from the centre reaches the organism to consume the filth as and when it emanates. Gradually, there is no place for doors or locks. The forgiveness for the arising of guilt, shame and other filth becomes easier in a collective. Confidence builds to accept that there is no need for locks and even doors.

In a female circle the yearning and the call gets stronger and the dialogue gets strengthened and the courage gets deeper. This practice in female circle brings to life comatose parts of the body sometimes dramatically, subtly, or simply. It depends on where one is in the practice- partly, fully or just beginning. The fire in the organism threatens the deep misogyny. It takes a long time for the fire to reach the deepest roots of misogyny but the work goes on slowly and gradually, preparing for altering the structure of cells in the human women species and in the life of mother earth. As you burn the filth in tiny and tiny bits, mother earth’s cells and some comatose cells in un-awakened women are also nourished and come alive. The work must go on non-stop all through this life and many more lives, to get to the roots of misogyny and to rout it out. The future generation of women will then need to work with much less locks, speaking the unspeakable even as they are born because you are doing the work in your body, healing yourself, other women and the planet.

The coming generation will work with less locks, speak the unspeakable even as they are born and learning to speak, because you are doing the work in your body healing yourself and the planet. The task is hard but achievable with simplicity and passion of your heart and the intensity of your call to the Moon Mother to release her from her ‘cell’.

Reflection Questions:

  1. Do you acknowledge there are ‘unspeakable parts’ in you? If yes, in what way you would take the first baby step to speak it to yourself?
  2. What fear, anxiety, concerns you have that stops you from speaking it to yourself?
  3. Can you begin to think of a rhythm for this practice – each night, when travelling, on a particular time and day or after your stillness practice?
  4. Can you think of one or two non- judging women who can be your female circle for this practice and do the inner work along with you to move forward in your practice consistently?


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