Boundary Management Series -4
We all long for closeness and intimacy in relationships without losing our dignity. When we are aware of our boundaries we send a clear message- ‘I value you and I expect to be valued by you. Boundary is a two-way street as all relationships are in true sense.
The feelings are the key to boundaries in us. The sensing of our body and mind vis a vis a situation, place or person, informs what kind of boundary is needed. Boundaries are flexible and never rigid. When it is rigid, we isolate ourself and others. When it is too flexible and too loose, we accommodate beyond our willingness. When we respect and practice conscious boundaries, we also respect other’s boundaries and don’t take them for granted or violate their personal or emotional space. Our emotions give us a cue for saying ‘yes’ and ‘no’. When our physical, emotional or psychological boundary is violated and we may sense it immediately just before it happens or as it is happening and we always have choices. We can honour our intuition and senses or ignore saying ’maybe they did not mean to be that way’. When we ignore it, we might be moving towards becoming powerless victims in that particular relationship.
Reflections:
- Analyse your close relationships. Is there any relationship where you feel you are powerless and your dignity is at stake?
- What small baby steps you can take to start a boundary with yes/no to yourself in that relationship?
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Article – Boundaries for healthy relationships – K C Bhanumathy