This makes it doubly difficult for women to establish a boundary, maintain it and function within it, once created; or a relationship may be maintained for a long time in lack of awareness and now with insight, it may require some negotiation to regain dignity and safety. It could be possible fear that changed dynamics may lead to relationships breaking irrevocably and so let them just be, at a cost of great discomfort.

Unfortunately, there is not much tradition of teaching boundary management skills as girls grow up into womanhood, except for the gendered Dos and Don’ts based on patriarchal, traditional models and internalised misogynist gender values, we inherit. Gendering processes and societal influences vastly mould how women perceive and practice boundaries automatically unless we bring it into awareness.

Reflections:

• Which are the relationships in life that you enjoy freedom, spontaneity, and joy?
• What kind of boundaries (yes and no/Dos & Don’ts) exist in these relationships?